Conflict Resolution :: Inspect Your Own Heart First

In our family we live by this proverb:

the heart is the wellspring of life

Your actions, behavior, and mindset flow from the condition of your heart.

This perspective certainly holds true in a sea of little humans swarming about my waist–constantly vying for their own toy, their own turn, and their own way. We’re born with that instinct. It’s written on our hearts, and thereout flows our attitudes and actions.

The same holds true into adulthood. To the degree we train ourselves to be inspect our own heart and core, we become attuned with what our attitudes, actions, and responses will be.

As we inspect ourselves, often we find the root of our conflicts.

Volume Control

The Power of Inspecting Your Own Heart

Introspection is the first step in a conflict, not an afterthought.

Some years back, I had a client who had a huge a-ha moment regarding the tension in his relationships with his colleagues. He was a funny, relational person, yet wherever he went, he found that people were frustrated by his leadership.

As he sat through an intensive Strengths workshop, bells and whistles started to blow. His Top 5 Strengths are: Achiever, Responsibility, Maximizer, Analytical, and Learner.

As he began to inspect his heart and lens of the world, he all of a sudden saw that by the way he used his Strengths, he was contributing to the ongoing conflict and frustration.

He considered himself a hard-working, detail oriented, loyal boss who based his work in the pursuit of a high standard of excellence and meaningful, hard data. These are all good things. As he peeled back his Strengths, he began to see them from the light of others.

Instead of the characteristics he would describe, the people around him experienced him as a never satisfied workaholic who intimated with accusational questions and an uncanny ability to move the bar of success just out of reach.

He inspected his heart and found some of this to be true. By reading about his Strengths he saw not only the value that he brings, but also the tension that he caused by allowing his Strengths to operate unchecked.

Tools to Help Inspect the Heart

Much like my client experienced, there are some key tools that will help you inspect your own heart — your own contribution to the conflict — before you engage in resolving.

Check the Volume of Your Strengths

One of the most basic and yet most powerful word pictures that will help you inspect the state of you heart and the use of your Talents is that of a Volume Dial.

Imagine each of your Strengths sitting in front of you, each with its own volume dial. You have the choice, in every encounter, to tune the volume into the appropriate level.

As an Achiever myself, my natural tendency is to have the Volume of my strength turned to the max. It just feels so good to mark off a solid check list every day. But, on the own inspection of my heart, I have learned that MAX volume can get in the way of both relationships and productivity, and it can hurt others in the process.

heart image

When there is a conflict, I can reflect:

“Did the use of my Achiever talent contribute to this conflict? How about my other Talents?”

In our StrengthsFinder workshops, we walk through an activity using the Volume Dial philosophy. It can reveal some powerful insights about the state of your heart and the state of your Strengths in your daily work and home life.

Get your own Volume Control Activity here!

Make an Honest Assessment of Your Motivation

Beyond your Strengths, though almost always related, the condition of our hearts leads to our part in a conflict.

By inspecting the motivation and position of our hearts, we come to a conversation about conflict resolution with a clean slate and humble state. It’s the best predictor of success.

For example, if my client above had only understand the volumes of his Strengths, he could have affected the way he uses his strengths. This is a great first step. However, when he took it a step further and owned the truth that his heart was inclined toward contempt of those who have let him down, he could begin healing of relationships and a long term change in the tension in his relationships.

The Heart is the Well Spring of Life

By not merely looking out for our own interests but also for the interests of others, we set a foundation for conflict resolution that is based in humility and a position of intellectual honesty from the heart.

And when your heart is positioned well, you can be ready to enter into healthy conflict resolution.

Learn more about how to use your Strengths for their very best by receiving my insights about your Strengths–every other day for 10 days. Get your Maven Insights here.

Maven Insights Inbox



Links & Resources from today

Also catch the Conflict Resolution series on Audio + Video, on the Isogo TV Podcast, Episodes 62-67 {with added resources}!
Discover your Top 5 Strengths with StrengthsFinder + Strengths Startup
{FREE} Volume Control Tool

Becky’s Maven Insights on your Top 5 Strengths
Your Strength Is Acting Like a Weakness :: This Volume Dial Will Tell You Why
StrengthsFinder is Life Changing | Dial in Your Volume {Step 5 of 9}
9 Steps to Life-change {FREE Checklist}
{9 Steps} to Life Change through your StrengthsFinder Top 5 Strengths


The Strengths-perspective can impact your marriage, your parenting, and your work!

If you’re into it or you’re just not so sure about it all, reach out, and let’s connect about it. You can catch me on Facebook, Twitter or Instagram, all at @isogostrong, by this handy contact form, or in our Energy Up Frustration Down facebook group.

Enjoy your day, and {be strong}!

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